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Three years

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It was a Friday. Weathermen were calling for snow, a significant amount.

I like to watch snow fall.  There’s something peaceful and cleansing about it. But I missed it that year because I was in a small corner room in the hospital after just being told Nugget was gone.  Even if he wasn’t, I would’ve been in that room because he was in my Fallopian tube.  {I say he, but we don’t know about Nugget.}

It was a whirlwind of life changing information in those few hours.  One of those moments that leaves you breathless.

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My dad and stepmom gifted us this ornament for Christmas. I burst into tears when I opened it.

There are moments when I forget exactly how long it has been.  Then there are moments when I’m fully aware of every day that’s passed and every event that hasn’t happened.  But every day I know that my life is not what it would’ve been. . .I’m living an alternate reality.

At times I can share my story without choking up.  I’m always astounded at those times, like I’ve done something miraculous.  Other times, out of nowhere, I can’t get words past my throat and my face contorts in that grotesque holding back tears way.  I’m always astounded at those moments as well.

In the last three years, Steven and I haven’t had one where we didn’t lose a child. One year, it was two.

It’s exhausting.

It’s redefining of who we are.

Every single time.

 

 

 

Snow Days

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In the Piedmont of North Carolina, snow is an iffy thing.  Everything has to be just right for the white blanket to cover our neck of the woods.  Some might even say it’s a miracle.

One such miracle happened last night, and we’re sitting in the middle of one of the most beautiful snows I’ve seen in a while.  I’ve not been out to measure how many inches we’re up to now {and it’s still falling}. I just like to sit and look at it falling and covering everything in a pristine and sparkling white.FB_IMG_1516213984148

When I was little and snow was called for but hadn’t happened by bedtime, I always knew when I woke up if it had come or not.  There’s a different sound.  Or better yet, lack of sound.  I’ve been thinking about that today as plans have been detoured by this “weather event”. {we’re not known for being prepared or able to handle such events}. School has been cancelled.  Many businesses have closed. It’s as if God has handed us a moment in time.  A gift perhaps?

I know that many people are thinking about the decisions that have to be made to deal with the aftermath.  How will school be handled? When will we open back up? What do we do about people who are home bound already and need assistance?  I’m not unaware of the issues that are now presented.

However, maybe, just maybe, we should slow down today and not.  My granddaddy says that it will all come out in the wash and from my point of view, God hasn’t finished loading the wash yet.  So, maybe we should just slow down and enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.  There’s nothing we can do right now about it.

So, play with your kids. Build a fire and drink some hot cocoa while reading a book.  Put on {or stay in} your jammies. Do a puzzle.  Play Scrabble with your husband. Or my personal favorite, nap! Take this day to just enjoy the miracle of everything around you.

Here are the verses that I have been thinking on today. . .if you don’t mind me sharing:

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

Matthew 6:34 “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Luke 12:22-23; 25-26 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. . .Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest'”

verses from NIV translation

 

Old Man Winter

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Tomorrow is the first day of spring.  And, boy, are we glad she’s getting here.

This has been the weirdest winter I can recall.  Fifteen years ago we had a major snow storm followed by ice that kept us out of school for something like two weeks straight.  We lost our entire spring break AND had to add time to the day from March to May. It was miserable.

This year, winter actually hit us before winter.  It started before Thanksgiving actually. I’m all for arriving to a party early, but that was incredibly early.  And now, winter has just really overstayed his welcome. 

We’ve had snow.

We’ve had sleet.

We’ve had freezing rain.

We’ve had no power.

And we’re still getting all of this.

People are starting to get cranky.  Cranky people forget to be appreciative. 

So, here’s what I think. . .we’ve got extra moisture in a thirsty land; having no power encouraged us to find new ways to communicate and reach out to each other–not to mention different ways to entertain ourselves. 

I appreciate winter.

But, yes, bring on the spring.

January Spice Cabinet

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Ah, lucky January with your five Wednesdays.  How exciting it is for me to think of things I want to share in the spice cabinet.  Perhaps my favorite part of the spice cabinet is taking pictures for it.  You get a little glimpse into the things that make my life, well, my life.

1.  I live in a part of North Carolina that may or may not get snow.  When it’s predicted, I’m like a little kid and make sure all my shades are open so I can see it when it starts.  Yesterday was such a day.waitingforsnow

 

 

2.  These are two of my most favorite pieces of décor in my house.  My friend John makes them as a hobby.  camcraft

3.  My hot chocolate making kit.  That little wisk is just the perfect size for making sure my hot chocolate, peppermint sprinkles, and milk are well blended in my awesome Barbie cup. (hmm, seems that pink theme from the last Spice Cabinet is around)hotchocolate

4.  When you’re a teacher you occasionally get gifts.  One of my favorite gifts is this mug. It so happens that it was from one of my favorite students as well.  He “got” me.laughtermug

5.  And here is my sweet love on date night.  It’s tough sometimes to balance what needs to be done and what wants to be done.  But, the end result will be worth it, and frankly, it’s just nice to have him near on date night.stevenstudies