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Enough is Enough

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It is a strange upbringing to hear each week that you fall short and are not enough. But it is the upbringing that many experience.

The difficult part is that it’s what we hear as we sit in pews and sing songs about love and hear sermons about love and proclaim that Jesus loves me.

How can He when I am not enough? I am a sinner. I will always be a sinner. I will never be good enough.

Without necessarily meaning to, how many people have fallen victim to this truth? We humans are fragile beings. We desire to be better and do better. We work hard to be the best at what we decide to put our hand to. We add immeasurable pressure to ourselves to be enough. . .

Be enough for our spouses.

Be enough for our jobs.

Be enough for our kids.

Be enough for our extended family, our neighbors, ourselves.

And grapple with the idea that we’re not enough, ever, no matter how hard we try for salvation.

Understandably, this can be crippling in so many areas. Not just faith, but in our every day lives. Doubt and questions arise. What is it all for if I’m never going to be enough? I’m aware that this realization impacts individuals differently. There are those who will try harder. There are those who will quit trying at all. And there are those who will be brave enough to start peeling layers and truly struggling with what being enough means in all aspects of their lives.

And those brave souls deserve more than trite cliches and platitudes that are offered–read your Bible more, attend church, pray harder, do devotions. The complexities of faith cannot fit into these tiny plastic phrases, and it’s a disservice to offer them to people who have the tremendous courage to battle fears and questions.

I have battled the formidable foe of enough. I have faced the why bother mentality and the try harder mentality. Neither of them brought me peace and both of them meant poor decisions that could impact my health negatively and wreck my emotional stability.

But an amazing thing happened on this journey. I somehow managed to surround myself with people who think I am enough. Just as I am. With all my insecurities and flaws and fears and questions. They love me. They encourage me. They tell me I am enough with whatever I have to bring that day.

It is liberating. And it is an eye opening blessing.

I am coming to terms with God’s plan for me isn’t because I’m enough.

It’s because I’m loved.

And that is enough.

Value

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My heart is heavy this morning.

I discovered that a dear friend died last week. It’s strange to say she was dear and to admit that she’s been gone a week before I knew about it.

But value isn’t determined by proximity.

The value of this piece is priceless

I met Rebecca when I was fifteen. She taught with my mother and had recently had a baby. She and Scott needed a babysitter, and my mother suggested me. So, one day my mom took me to their house to meet baby Nash. Nash and I hit it off, and I became the babysitter. Someone would take me to their house when needed and then Scott or Rebecca would bring me home after their evening out. Until I got my license. Ian arrived later, and I kept both boys.

Often, when Scott and Rebecca came home, we would visit for a while before I went home. They were confidants for me during a troubled time when my parents divorced. When I went off to college, Rebecca would call me to see if I could come home to keep the boys. I always did. And when I was home on breaks, I visited with them. I spent hours with them. I would go to the lake with them. They knew everything about my young adulthood. They were a second family to me.

When I bought my first house, Rebecca gave me a housewarming gift of pottery. I still have it.

Rebecca was kind and giving. Her compassion and listening to me was never taken for granted. I felt understood by her through those teenage angst years, and it was comforting to have an adult to turn to who wasn’t blood. I didn’t feel as if I was betraying anyone when I talked with Rebecca.

I was still keeping the boys when I started teaching.

Then, life. The boys didn’t need me anymore. I got busy with my career. We touched base every so often though. They even took me and Steven out to dinner early in our relationship. I think they approved of him.

Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com Rebecca loved flamingos. I hope she’s surrounded by a flock.

Last year Steven and I decided we needed to have some legal work done. I reached out to Scott. It was then I learned that Rebecca had brain cancer. . .the same that took my grandma.

The news I found this morning wasn’t a surprise. I’ve been waiting for it. But it still was a gut punch.

For Christmas this past year, I wrote cards to many of the people who influenced or are currently influencing my life. I wanted them to know the impact they have on my life and to thank them. Scott and Rebecca were on that list and I’m so grateful I was given the opportunity to let her know how much she means to me.

Don’t waste your opportunities. Tomorrow isn’t promised.